I confess: I am an adherent of the everything happens for a reason theory. I believe that there is a divine force and natural laws (different than the ones chosen by people) that guide the planet and the universe… Throughout my life, just like anybody else on this planet, I’ve been through the very colorful range of emotions, from the darkest to the lightest, and it was not always easy for me to see the meaning of things. Sometimes I saw it years later, I could connect the dots only looking back; other times I couldn’t see it and I still don’t… and now I truly understand: we don’t have to know. It seems that the general purpose of life, regardless of what might we call them individually, is to just live life, being present. Living life and being vulnerable and exposed.
But now, especially after the very unfortunate event in Bucharest last Friday, I finally understand that saying everything happens for a reason to anybody going through tough times (no matter the intensity of the toughness – which is always individually quantifiable) is nothing less than emotional, spiritual, and psychological violence. Reading this article written so wisely and empathetic, you cannot but agree that indeed, “some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried“.
“Let me be clear: If you’ve faced a tragedy and someone tells you in any way that your tragedy was meant to be, happened for a reason, will make you a better person, or that taking responsibility for it will fix it, you have every right to remove them from your life.
Yes, devastation can lead to growth, but it often doesn’t. It often destroys lives — in part because we’ve replaced grieving with advice. With platitudes.”
And then, telling someone to take responsibility for their actions is something just as arguable! Why? Because sometimes actions just happen to us: such as accidents or rapes or other kind of violence. Then, we can only take responsibility for how we react to these kind of events… but are we truly present and conscious in those after moments? Shame and blame might be interfering and the social pressure is pretty big to be immune to these two emotions!
What is the best to do then? Whether we are full on involved in the events or by-standers, the best thing to do is to understand and acknowledge: I’m here with you. Rest in peace #colectiv